we're blogging at a bar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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