All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
