the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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