Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize