you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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