Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
