We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
