just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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