This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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