he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
