i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
