Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
