my sisters under your porch take her home
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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