So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
