It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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