You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
