Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
