Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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