wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
