I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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