If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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