I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
