thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
