Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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