Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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