It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize