Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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