I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
