Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
