so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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