Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
