It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
