Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
