I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
