One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
