It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
