Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think i have herpe
just one?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
