I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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