at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
