im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
