Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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