i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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