I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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