i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
