i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
