So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
