haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
