I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
