i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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