bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
