Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
