if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
