90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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