Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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