my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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