just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
