I'm going to jail i love you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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