What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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