No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
