My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
