My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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