today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we're making bets on your personal life
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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