Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
