is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
