I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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