I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
