worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize