I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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